Homepages of Teemu Pekkanen






Something about me....

I was born in 1981 in Finland.
The official reason of existance for this website is to publish my projects here. But that is only a small part of my real intentions, as I had to admit.
I showed this site to one of my friends and asked his opinion about it. The reason why I especially wanted to hear his opinion, is that he tells what he really thinks about things.
Even before I had presented my website, he said, "Is this one of those praise-my-work-presentations again?". I couldn't deny that one. Without concentrating much on to the layout or design of the site, he continued with another question. "What purpose does this site have?". "What purpose homepages usually have?", was my evading answer. He answered with a retort that was so typical from him, "Why people write on the walls of the public toilets?" I had a deja-vu feeling about that conversation, and not because of my left and right parts of the brain working unsynchronized, but more because of that this kind of conversations were quite common for us. I had to say it aloud what we both knew, "It's because people wants to get some attention." That is one of my personal weaknesses, to beg others acceptance. My friend doesn't mirror himself so much from others opinions, and maybe that is one reason why I respect him and his opinions quite much.
For being a practical man, he could not be fooled with fine speeches about technological improvements and novelty. I had to say something more convincing to back up my work. I had thought to put some PayPal donation link on this site, and and told him about that idea. "Nobody will give you anything just by putting a link on your site, you have to have something to offer!", was his opinion about it. I told him that many people are generous for creators of content that is practically free to use. My opinion didn't actually convince him, but since he didn't state any argument just after it, I had time to change the subject to all "interesting" projects I had listed on my site.

When I was in the middle of writing this new introduction, I understood that I should have mentioned something that is more important than money or attention of people. It is that I can express myself through this and put things away when some ideas keep haunting me to late night. I had talked about a certain scifi novelist with one other friend of mine. He told me that a writer, more specifically Philip K. Dick, had a schizophrenia that brought ideas to his head and only way to put them away was to write it on the paper. We also talked about the art of Jackson Pollock. I had seen a documentary about him and his art was mainly therapy for him, not something he did for getting publicity.
Deep in my consciousness I am aware that I have need to put my ideas on the paper, but I have a dilemma with good and bad motivations. I know that if I concentrate too much on working with my projects, it will lock my thoughts even to that degree it could be called as an obsession. This happens especially when I want to prove myself and others, that I am able to do something extraordinary.
I remember that I was more happier and more content when I didn't work with these subjects. I did not have to get credit of being good at something, since I knew and still know deep in my heart that it is not something I have earned, but what was given to me.

What has been, will be at the times to come, what has happened, it will still happen: there is nothing new under the sun

Preacher 1:9

There are no many subjects that I would not be interested in. A good side about it, is that it makes easier for me to adopt new information. More or less a negative side about it is that I cannot concentrate on one subject for very long perioids of time. It came to my mind to put some screenshots of a psychological analysis program. I find these descriptions quite truthful, although it is difficult to evaluate itself.